when emotions run high
Have you ever had a wave of emotion so big you wanted to push it back from where it came from? I know the feeling well, after I got divorced in 2019, I went through a tsunami of emotions and many times I couldn’t allow myself to cry because I was in the middle of doing life. I would be driving to a work meeting or taking my kids to school or at a gathering where I was either going to look like a crazy person or scare my kids for sobbing hysterically.
Now don’t get me wrong, I think expressing emotion is very healthy and we don’t want to bottle our feelings up and create emotional blocks, but there are some places it is just inappropriate to burst out in tears and can cause more harm than good in regard to our children being witness to it. Children look to their parents for a steady state of safety and security, as parents we set the tone for perceptions, and we never want to make our children feel responsible for making us feel better. Let’s not get too far off topic, that is a conversation for another time, what I want to talk about today is how we can allow the body to process those big emotions in the moment they rise up and do it in a healthy way that dissipates the energy through the nervous system’s energy meridians.
I am referring to the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), commonly known as tapping, which has its roots in various psychological and alternative healing practices. The history of EFT can be traced back to Dr. Roger Callahan, a clinical psychologist. In the 1980s, he developed Thought Field Therapy (TFT), which involved tapping specific acupressure points to alleviate emotional distress. Callahan believed that negative emotions were related to blockages or disruptions in the body's energy meridians, and by tapping on specific points, these blockages could be cleared. TFT was the precursor to EFT.
Then Gary Craig, a Stanford engineering graduate, learned about TFT from Callahan and began to simplify and modify the technique in the early 1990s. He called his new approach "Emotional Freedom Technique" or EFT. Craig's EFT method used a standard set of tapping points and a structured process that could be easily learned and applied by anyone. He began sharing EFT through workshops, books, and his website in the late 1990s and early 2000s. The technique gained popularity rapidly, primarily due to its accessibility and reported success in addressing various emotional issues, phobias, traumas, and physical ailments.
Like all alternative healing methods, EFT has been met with both enthusiasm and skepticism within the scientific and medical communities. Over time, EFT has been integrated into various therapeutic practices, including psychology and counseling. Some therapists incorporate EFT as part of their treatment approach, often alongside traditional psychotherapy methods. EFT continues to evolve, with practitioners and researchers exploring its applications for various emotional and psychological issues. It has also expanded into areas such as performance improvement, personal development, and stress management.
So how EFT works to help lower the intensity of your emotions is based on the premise that negative emotions and psychological distress are linked to disruptions in the body's energy system, similar to the concept of meridians in traditional Chinese medicine. During an EFT session, individuals tap on specific acupressure points on their body while focusing on a negative emotion or issue they wish to address. The tapping is typically accompanied by verbalizing statements related to the emotional issue.
I found EFT most useful when I was having an intense wave of emotion and needed to calm my system quickly. By tapping on a few points and talking through my emotions either out loud or in my head I found it shifted my energy within moments and I could release the emotional wave. Here is a step-by-step guide for how to use EFT in this way:
1.) You have an intense wave of emotion, maybe it’s grief, maybe it’s sadness, maybe it’s anger. Whatever emotion it is, it feels all-consuming and overwhleming. Maybe you want to cry or scream or run away, (all fight or flight stress responses) but you can’t in the moment and you need to calm down immediately.
2.) Find a quiet and private place you can go where you can feel safe and out of judgement. I have done this many times while driving or parked in my car or I’ll find an empty room or even the bathroom stall if you’re out in public can be a private retreat space.
3.) Traditional EFT suggests you rate your intensity so you can track your progress, I find this unnecessary, if I feel better and less upset after tapping, then I know it’s working.
4.) Now create a setup statement that acknowledges the problem while also accepting yourself. It typically follows this format:
"Even though I have/am [describe the issue or emotion], I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
Repeat this statement three times while tapping on the "karate chop point" (the fleshy part of the outside of your hand, between the wrist and little finger) on one hand. (See image below)
2.) Now, follow the tapping sequence, which includes several acupressure points. For each point, tap gently with two or three fingers while focusing on the issue and using a short reminder phrase from the last step. You can use a brief version or your phrase and say things like “I’m feeling really sad,” “I am deeply hurt,” “I feel angry,” and even rotate through different phrases of each emotion coming up while tapping the sequence.
The tapping points are as follows:
- Top of the head (Crown)
- Eyebrow (Beginning of the eyebrow, just above the nose)
- Side of the eye (On the bone near the outer corner of the eye)
- Under the eye (On the bone just below the pupil)
- Under the nose (Between the nose and upper lip)
- Chin (Midway between the lower lip and the chin)
- Collarbone (Just below the knobby part)
- Under the arm (About four inches below the armpit)
- Wrists (Tap them together as a reminder for all points)
5.) Once your intense emotions begin to calm and dissipate and you get back to a more neutral emotional state, I like to bring in some positive phrases for a few rounds of sequencing. You can say things like “I am safe or I am in my safe in my body and in this moment.” Or “I choose to realease this emotion/issue and feel whole and at peace.”
Remember that EFT is a personal practice, and the experience can vary from person to person. It may take time and practice to see significant results, so be patient with yourself. If your issues are deeply rooted or severe, consider seeking guidance from a mental health professional to assist you in the process.
This simple technique has been a profoundly useful tool for me when I feel that panic or anxiety compound on top of the intense wave of emotion in a moment when I can’t be upset or cry. I hope this is useful for you and would love to hear your feedback after trying this. And remember, always give yourself grace for where you are at in each moment and in each phase of your journey. Healing is hard work and it takes time and patience. So give yourself unlimited love and support along the way!
I am holding space for your healing.
Much love and light to you,
XOXO
Marissa